Billie Eilish and the Holy Words

A new fragrance launch requires reading from the scriptures.

The clichés of the perfume launch are written in stone. No matter how daring, innovative or disruptive the scent, the traditional incantations must be spoken, among them:

“The celebrity has favorite notes that inspired the fragrance.”

“The celebrity worked closely with the perfumers in creating the scent.”

Do consumers really demand this? Or is it superstitious behavior by fragrance marketers?

The launch of the new Billie Eilish fragrance follows the formula to the letter. The Parlux press release says “she was intimately involved in every step of the process,” and the sacred words were duly repeated by the congregation, er, media, here and here ad nauseum.

Were Eilish’s favorite notes incorporated into the scent? Of course!

“I’ve always been in love with vanilla since I was a kid and my mom would teach me to bake.”

And we know her involvement was genuine because Eilish has . . . synesthesia!

I have synesthesia, so my favorite smells are these like, amber-colored smells, to me, in my brain . . .”

Let us honor industry tradition and read together from the holy text:

In the beginning, the Celebrity created the concept and the theme notes.

And the Celebrity said Let there be top notes: and there were top notes.

And the Celebrity smelled the top notes, that they were on point: and the Celebrity divided the top notes from the dry down.

And the Celebrity blessed them, and the Celebrity said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply the flankers, and replenish the brand.

Amen.